Always HalfFull
by PaintedShadow
Summary: Takes place after 5x07. Sitting in on a Friday night with Will, his scotch and his thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here is a one-shot... that may have another chapter coming in the next few days. This chapter is Will-centric. The next chapter will be Alicia-centric. Let me know what you think. Happy reading!**

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**Always Half/Full**

Will sat there on his couch holding a glass of scotch with the bottle resting on the coffee table. He had turned the TV off after a rather painful search for something to watch. He sat there on a Friday night, thinking. His mind swirling with various thoughts jumping from Jeffrey to Alicia, even to Owen. He felt guilty that he couldn't have helped him more. He still didn't believe that the kid did anything. Bringing the glass to his lips, he swallowed some scotch, feeling it glide itself down his throat. His thoughts drifted off towards what Owen had said about Alicia in the elevator. About why she left.

"_Alicia was afraid of falling in love with you."_

It only took a second for his mind to think of their time together. His heart started aching. With the betrayal still ever present, he has tried hard to squash those thoughts. He remembers her touch, soft and hesitant at first. And her lips, luscious and daring red. He thinks that she wears that color on purpose now to try to get a rise out of him. He quickly down the remnants of his scotch.

The shrill of his phone shattered the silence and was deafening to Will's ears. Looking at the screen seeing Isabel's name, he presses the red button. Her asking about Alicia had brought their fling to a whole new level. She was a rebound, he will admit that. But there's just something about her knowing about Alicia that gave him a mild panic feeling.

He poured himself another glass of scotch. Halfway full, to pace himself. He thought about Owen's reaction when he mentioned that Alicia wasn't at his firm anymore. He wonders about how much Alicia had told Owen about them. He shook his head and took a large gulp of scotch. It doesn't matter how much she shared with Owen. The reality of it is that she left. She left. She didn't want to risk it all to take a chance on us. That is what he is to her—a chance, a roll of the dice. Because his feelings have changed so much over the past 20 years. Damn. That made him sound sad and pathetic. He took a long draw on his glass of scotch. His phone chimed once, looking down he saw Isabel's text 'Where r u?' He laughed at it. He should be out enjoying himself, but he was sick of this game. He still wanted her. He always would. He wanted long-term, she just never gave him the chance. After everything she has done to him, he still wants her. He downs the rest of the glass. I guess you can only have one true love. He poured more scotch, until he realized that the bottle was empty, so was his glass. "Damn it!" he yelled.

He picked up his phone and stumbled a bit towards the kitchen counter. One stumble was enough for him to lose his balance and fall, dropping his phone in the process. He started laughing when he realized he was piss drunk with no hope of going anywhere. He heard a little voice calling his name—it sounded strangely familiar. But he ignored it. He's drunk. He's imagining things. When he went to stand, he slipped and let out a string of slurred swears. It took himself time to sit up. He couldn't help but laugh. It was funny. She had driven him to this point. "Ef tis is rok butum, hen it can't het orse" he slurred, roughly translating to "If this is rock bottom, then it can't get any worse." He leaned back and came in contact with the chair. He kept himself propped there. Trying to regain his faculties. He thought about the last time he got this piss drunk. It was probably at Georgetown. He couldn't exactly pinpoint the last time. He sat there. He missed her. He didn't want to think about her but he felt as though something was missing. Isabel wasn't the missing part. He wanted another drink. He tried to stand up again. This time he was successful. He shuffled his feet across the floor to make it to his cabinet. He opened the door and was shocked to see that it was empty. His heart sunk, that was his last bottle. He had forgotten to stop at the store. He also forgot to have dinner, which probably wasn't such a brilliant idea. He slide his way over to the fridge, bracing himself against the wall he opened the fridge door, his arm went with the door, knocking him off kilter just enough to fall back to the floor—making a lovely crashing noise. He stayed still. That would be best at this point. He listened to the emptiness of his apartment. The silence was once again deafening. He was alone. It hurt. Then he heard it, the knock against his door. He muttered something out loud hoping that whoever it was would go away. The knock vibrated through the silence again. Then he heard the sliding of a key into the lock. Key. She still has the key. He actually smiled at that thought. He could hear her heels click on the floor. Each click echoed in the silence. He felt a twinge in his heart when she called his name. He grunted. "What…are…you…doing…here?" he enunciated each word so that he didn't slur. He didn't expect her voice to sound so worried.

"You called me… then didn't respond and fell."

He started laughing. "Time… to… fix… the… mess… you… created."

The clicks started again, but leading away from him. He hoped she would leave. But then he heard the clicking return. He looked up at her and noticed the empty bottle and glass in her hands.

"How much Will?"

He raised his hand and closed the gap in between his thumb and index finger to indicate how much.

"Liar." He heard her scoff out. He laughed. He never was good at lying to her.

"Half." He murmured.

She stilled, he could tell by the lack of sound and quickened breathing. "Any food?"

And he shook his head in response. He felt her lift his arm and wrap it around her neck, her hair gently tickling the inside of his bicep, "Come on, let's get you to bed. Or to the bathroom."

"Bed" he mumbled, suddenly feeling very foggy and drowsy. He helped her by standing, although on shaky legs. A sense of hope washed over him. She was here helping him. She was worried. Clearly that must mean something. But he didn't know what that something was. Could Owen be right? Could she be falling for him? He felt her arm go across his back. That's when the guilt overtook the hope. She was cleaning up after him again. Just as she did at Georgetown when he partied to hard after finals. But that means that she cares, especially if she's taking care of him. He shuffles his feet , trying to make things easier for her. "Sowwy" he whispered.

He felt Alicia sigh, "Me too."

His brain is still foggy from the alcohol, but he was pretty sure that she just apologized. "For what?" he stopped, shuffling causing her to look at him. He wanted to know how she felt. No. He needed to know. He couldn't make out what emotion was crossing her face. Is mind was too clouded and his head started to hurt. "Never mind." He mumbled. He started to walk forward and it took her a moment to join in line with him.

He felt Alicia withdraw her arm from across his back and instruct him to sit. He did, and felt the soft give of the mattress underneath him. He sighed at the feeling. And he started to lean back when he felt a hand stop him. "Scoot back first, then lay down." Her voice soft and fluid. He did as she said, the moment his head hit the pillow, he started to fade. He was vaguely aware that she told him to holler if he needed anything.

The next morning, he groaned. He felt as though someone was taking pleasure is sledgehammering his skull into a million pieces. His stomach churched as he tried to sit up. He collapsed back to the bed. How much did he drink last night? How did he make it to bed? He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this hung over. His head throbbed and his stomach rolled with every move. He's too old for this. He propped himself on the bed leaning against the headboard. Looking around his bedroom, he noticed the bucket and bottled water on his night stand, with a note on it. _Drink this. Aspirin is in the bathroom._ His heart fluttered as he read the familiar handwriting. Her handwriting. When—wait, no, how did she know to come? His face contorted as he tried to think but that was just too painful. He opened the bottled and started sipping the cool liquid. He took his time, sitting in bed, sipping the water, trying to remember when Alicia had come by, and what had happened. He couldn't believe that he had blacked out—that would explain why he couldn't remember. There was only one other time that occurred and she was there taking care of him. He moaned as his stomach started rolling again. Closing his eyes and breathing deep helped it to pass. He gently swung his legs over the side of the bed, wobbling a little as he stood. He walked to his bathroom, a little off balance but reaching toward the wall in case he needed support. His head felt worse when he was standing. Now it felt like jackhammers hammering away bits of his skull. Quite a pleasant feeling alright. He didn't dare turn on the light when he reached the bathroom. Only opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the aspirin that had another note on it. He smiled weakly at the handwriting. _Take 2. Here are some sunglasses. Come out for some food when ready. _He stared at the last phrase, re-reading it several times to make sure his brain understood. She stayed. He unscrewed the cap and took two, chugging the water next to him and donning the sunglasses. After a minute he slowly walked towards his door, feeling like he was in his 20's again—anxious to see her the morning after. Granted nothing happened between them last night—not that he could remember. But knowing that she stayed to take care of him told Owen was at least partially right. Goosebumps covered his arms at that thought.

The moment he opened the bedroom door he was thankful for the sunglasses. His whole living space was filled with warm sun that glowed like the color of honey. He took his time, slowly making his way towards the kitchen. His destination was the barstool because he didn't think he could make it to the couch. He felt like a turtle, small amount of space covered with each step. That increased his anxiety of what could transpire between them. He didn't know if she would start playing enemy again, or be the kind, loving person he knows. He made it to the stool, glancing around disappointed when he didn't see her. His heart dropped in his chest when he didn't even see a note anywhere. He slid out the stool to sit on, not in the mood to find food. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed. That was until he heard the key in the deadbolt. He saw her smile as she walked towards him with coffee and what he could assume was a bag of bagels.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

He was appreciative of her whisper. "Hung over." He grunted and smiled weakly, "I'm sorry."

He saw her shrug at his apology. "You did it to yourself. Never pegged you as one to wallow."

He took the coffee she handed to him and waited for the bagels to be toasted. His heart and pride hurt when he realized what she said.

He bowed his head, "It's because you ran from me." He looked up just soon enough to see her body tense. "I'm starting to think that your brother is right." He continued to stare at her back, she hadn't moved since he started talking. "We never did get a chance to talk after the election. Well, we never made the time." His voice low and cold. "I want to make the time, now."

He watched as she hesitantly turned around, leaning herself against the countertop. "Why now?"

This was his chance. He needed to say something to blow her away, but not scare her away. Just something with enough power behind it. His heart accelerated, his hands became clammy. He tossed a few words around in his head trying to think of the perfect response. It came to the point where his mid became blank, he wanted his heart to do the talking. Also because the jackhammers were still working on destroying his skull. He looked at her, really looked at her and saw everything he missed about her. Her eyes, her lips, her touch, her incredibly brilliant mind, even her nervous habit of biting her bottom lip. "I love you." He didn't quite realize what he had said until he saw the tears in her eyes. Well he wanted his heart to do the talking. He couldn't take his eyes off her. He was waiting for a reaction or response other than tears. He waited, noticing more tears well in her eyes. He watched her step towards him and places her hand on his. What he didn't expect was to feel the cool metal between their hands. He felt everything crashing down on him. Then he heard those two words out of her mouth, "I can't." Followed by "I'm sorry" as he listened to her heels click on the wood floor away from him. The door closing sounded as though there was a gunshot in the room. His heart started to crumble. All the pain from the moment he woke up that morning came flooding back to his awareness. Blinded by the old and new pain, he stumbled his way back to his bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Alicia was sitting on her couch with a bottle of wine and the TV on mute. She couldn't believe it. She suspected but never had any proof; nor was she hunting for any proof. She has been very leery about Peter ever since his scandal five year ago. It had been five years. She was amazed at how much time had passed and how much had changed in her life. She was proud that she was able to resurrect her career after all those years away from it. Time seemed to pass by so much faster now that she has been working. Zach and Grace have matured and are working their way through high school.

She glanced back at the TV and flicked through the other news stations. She wasn't necessarily shocked that all the news coverage was surrounding the latest indiscretion. Eli had given her a brief warning when at her firm last week. It was a polite warning that he gave her when he didn't think he would be able to squash whatever information that had come to light. Clearly, he wasn't successful in squashing it. She had been angry when he confirmed her suspicions but she has had a week to absorb and process the situation. She was saying goodbye to the life she had known since leaving Georgetown. One that she can't believe she was hesitant to leave. Yes, it was safe and comfortable, but she wasn't happy and people could see that. Her kids could see that. Just the other day, she returned home from an extremely long and stressful day at the new firm. When she crashed on the couch, Zach asked her if she was happy. Of course she said yes. But that sideways glance he gave her, confirmed that he could see through her. Granted, there were 20 years of memories from that marriage that did include happy ones, but those were only memories now. There was no hope for the future. At least between them. She had called Eli earlier that day, the moment she heard, and gave him a sealed manila envelope and instructed him to give it to Peter. She knew she was being cowardly by calling Eli, but she didn't want to face him right now. She wouldn't be able to refrain from yelling at the press. She sighed. Her kids were hiding out in their rooms playing with electronics to avoid the press that was camped outside their building.

She was surprised that she didn't feel sad for herself, or numb. She did feel sad for her kids. _This would likely change their opinion of him, change the way they view him_, she thought. She strangely felt liberated. She felt like she could finally be who she wants to be and not who she is expected to be. She could actually do what she wanted to and not what she was expected of her. The Good Wife. She glanced up at the TV, seeing video clips of Peter shielding himself from cameras as he leaves his office. She smiles sadly knowing how difficult this will be, especially for him. She finished her glass of wine and refilled it by emptying the bottle. She admits that she usually wouldn't sit and watch the newscast but she felt compelled to; more so to hear what he has to say for himself. She smirked at the TV and the idea of Peter actually confessing all that has transpired. She knows deep down he can do it, but she knows for the sake of his image he will gloss over some aspects that the media will want to address. A chiming had roused her from her musings.

Getting up, she grabbed the bottle and brought it into the kitchen. Leaning against the countertop, she stared at her phone, contemplating whether she wants to pick it up. By the chimes, it was only a few text messages. But thinking of who it could be was harder. She reached out and snatched it, scrolling through the multiple texts she had received.

One from Cary: "Name change official!"

Eli's confirmation had been enough for her to draw up a formal request to change her name back to Cavanaugh. She knew deep down that Eli wouldn't be successful in squashing this indiscretion; it would be far too big of a revelation. Any scandal was. But this one was exacerbated by Peter's statement of running an ethical campaign and office. _Well, this was completely unprofessional and unethical_, she thought. She had informed Cary of what was going on in a matter of hours after Eli's warning. He had been more shocked and outraged than herself. They had decided to change the firm's name when the news broke even though her name change wasn't 100% official. They didn't want to be associated with the scandal, nor did they want their clients running from them due to the current situation.

Scrolling down to the next text, Owen, naturally. "Need reinforcements?" She smiled at his question. Opening a reply window she declined. She wasn't upset anymore. This was just the last straw for her to have the confirmation she needed to end it without feeling guilty about doing so. She did it for her. Not for anyone else, and that's how it should be. She had swayed back and forth flirting with the idea of divorce when her suspicions started. She kept pushing back their trip to Hawaii to renew their vows. As much as she loved the idea, her heart knew that it wouldn't give her the happiness she wanted, although it would offer her the stability she always desired. She was done with stability. Her kids would always come first no matter what came next, but she wanted happiness now more than anything.

The next text surprised her. Her mom. "You're free! Now go after him…" She knew who she was referring to but that wasn't something she wanted to think about. It has been two months since that night in his apartment. They resumed their roles of wars in the courtroom and outside the courtroom, he acted as though she didn't exist. He had laid out everything, even his heart for her, but that hadn't stopped her from turning away. She couldn't go as far to admit something so revealing when she was still bound by a vow she took. It even went so far as him sending a first year associate to their law firm for settlement negotiations, with him on the phone of course. He was wounded and she was the one to cause that. She knew that.

A knock at her front door interrupted her thoughts. Her heart started to race thinking that the press had made it past the security out front. She sighed and walked towards the door. Looking through the peep hole, she felt a smile start to spread across her face. Opening the door, the smile was still subtly there. "Kalinda."

As she said that, her friend held up a bottle and a bag of limes. "He thought you would have salt."

Alicia's heart fluttered at that statement, as confusion crossed her features. She saw a smile appearing on Kalinda's face and Alicia knew that she wasn't going to explain any further. Alicia opened the door more to allow her in. She was still in a state of awe after she closed and locked the door. She knew that he couldn't even look at her since their last encounter but here he is sending a bottle of tequila and limes, making it seem like he still cares for her. She grabbed two shot glasses and made her way into the living room. She saw Kalinda sitting there, surprised that she had agreed to deliver it. They hadn't really been on speaking terms since she found out about her and Peter.

"He thought you would need a friend." She heard Kalinda say. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Even with their avoidance behavior over the past two months, she could tell that he still cared. They sat there in silence with occasional comments and random shots of tequila.

After about an hour, her mom's text popped into her head. The alcohol had already worked its way into her system and she could tell that she had more courage now because of the events that had transpired. She noticed Kalinda eyeing her and one word being voiced, "Go."

Alicia's heart raced at the thought, but she couldn't convince herself to go. What would she say? Would he even want to see her, or talk to her. She realized that the only thing she could do was try. She left the room, turning back to see Kalinda getting comfy on the couch. Her heart accelerated as she changed into decent looking clothes. Observing herself in the mirror and she smiled. She was finally taking control. On her way out she popped her head into the kid's rooms to explain that she would be heading out for a few hours and that Kalinda was there if they needed anything. She noticed the smile the kids gave her when she said all that, feeling slightly insecure about what she was about to do. If her kids could see it, she wondered who else could. This was all new to her and she decided to take it in stride.

About 30 minutes later, she was standing at a familiar door, questioning if what she was doing was right. Her heart ached at the thought of potential rejection but simultaneously fluttered in the excitement of seeing him. She raised a hand and knocked twice sharply. She fidgeted out of nervousness and excitement. It was a week night; there was a chance he could still be working. She hadn't thought of that. But she stood her ground and knocked again. Her mind tried to formulate something to say for when he opened the door but found herself too focused on the footsteps she could hear. She smiled as she heard them and the smile grew wider when he opened the door. Her heart melted when she saw him and she knew what she had to do. Before he could say anything, she stepped forward, placing a hand on his neck, pulling him in and leaning into him. She felt his lips on hers, soft and hesitant. It only took a second before he started to respond to her kiss. She didn't give him a chance to pull her in; she pushed him against the wall and continued the kiss, deepening it. Her goal was to try to convey everything she could never say to him in one kiss. She didn't want to step it up because it wasn't sex that she was after.

After several minutes had elapsed, she ended the kiss by resting her head against his forehead. "I'm yours, if you'll have me." She averted her eyes, afraid to look into his all telling eyes. She heard their heavy breathing and her heart racing inside her. She had been focused on that in a way of preserving herself from his ultimate rejection; she hadn't noticed the fingers under her chin gently lifting her head so their eyes could meet. Her breathe hitched in her throat when she saw the love pouring out of his eyes. She felt as though they were in slow motion as he leaned in to her, pressing his lips against her. At first it was gentle and delicate but it quickly became a need for more for both of them. She felt his hands slide down her body, landing on her behind and lifting her, to which she wrapped her legs around his waist. She could tell that he was walking but she hadn't stopped kissing him to find out.

Two hours later, they were cuddled on the couch, smiling stupidly. She felt happy and whole at this moment and she never wanted it to end. "We should talk." She felt the vibration of his voice against her back. She sighed. She knew that he was right, they did need to talk, and she just didn't know what to say. She felt his arms wrap around her waist, hugging her to him; then his lips on her neck. She could feel the warmth spread throughout her, as he did that. "I knew—well, I suspected. Eli confirmed it one day in my office. I started the motions that day to formally change my name back to Cavanaugh." She smiled as his lips kept placing gentle kisses along her neck. "I signed the divorce papers today." She sighed as his lips froze on her skin. "I'm free, to do what I want." She whispered as her heart continued to pound. She was sure he could hear and feel it. "And not what I'm expected to do. I can finally voice my feelings and not feel guilty about betraying my vows." She felt cold when his lips left the spot on her neck. But his voice made her heart swell, "And what are those feelings?" She smiled but she knew he couldn't see that, she thought about words to convey the meaning of her feelings; wanting it to sound perfect. The silence was deafening and she felt his arms start to loosen around her waist. Drawing her hands up to rest them on top of his, she stopped his progress. At the moment she figured out the words that she knew he needed to hear. The ones she had been trying to ignore for a while. "I've fallen in love with you." She whispered, feeling a weight lifted from her. She could feel Will's breathing increase against her back; she tried to turn so that she could see his face. His reaction. But his arms tightened once again around her midsection, his lips leaving light kisses on her neck before she heard him. "Do you know how long I've waited for you to say that?" She chuckled and nodded, "years." She felt him laugh against her and she couldn't help but smile, until he said, "More like decades." Once it registered, she whipped her body around, nearly falling off the couch in the process. "Will." Her voice shaky. The next thing she knew was he was pulling her down to kiss her passionately.

The next day Alicia stayed home from work and the kids stayed home from school. There was a press conference planned for that morning. She felt compelled to watch it. She was curled up on the couch with Grace on one side and Zach on the other. She had already prepared them on what she suspected but she wasn't sure if that would be enough. She had her phone in her lap, sending texts to Will. She turned the volume up as the news station started airing the podium. She felt Grace's hand slide into hers. It was weird to not be there, standing beside him. And then smiled, she's free.

The three of them watched as Peter took to the podium. He stood there, looking down at the podium; she assumed he was looking at the prepared speech. When he looked up, she saw that he looked straight into the camera, something he rarely did. It felt like he was staring straight at her.

"I am here to clarify the statements and allegations against me. Alicia and I have been separated for a while—since I was elected as the State's Attorney. We had been trying to mend our marriage but I am afraid some things are too far gone to mend. As of last night, we have started the official divorce proceedings. This brings me to the speculation about Marilyn, my ethical advisor. I have found love and I intend to hold onto it this time."

Alicia sat there on the couch stunned. _He went completely off script, completely. He said the honest truth_. She thought. She couldn't believe it. She didn't even feel mad or angry or sad about it. She looked over at Grace who had tears streaming down her face. She shook her hand free to wrap her arm around her daughter, and then glanced over at her son. She was shocked at seeing his eyes ooze hatred at the TV screen. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. They stayed like that for an hour, when she heard a key open the deadbolt. She smiled knowing who it was. She stretched to look over the back of the couch and her heart starting pounding when she saw him. "I brought some pizza. I thought you and the kids would need the ultimate comfort food."

All she could do was mouth "I love you."

To which he smiled.

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A/N: This is where I am ending this fic. I feel like this is the perfect place to finish it. I would LOVE to see this happen later in Season 5, but I don't think that will happen. I hope that everyone has enjoyed reading this fic!


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